Guideposts for Millennial Leaders: Learn to Coach

As millennials, many of our teachers, bosses and leaders have been authoritarian. From large introductory college lecture halls, to standardized tests, to detailed employee handbooks, we have been conditioned to believe there is a right and wrong way to do everything, a right and wrong answer to every question. Coaching is different. It takes time. It takes collaboration. It opens up new pathways. It spurs growth.

Consider the differences between a tour guide and a co-pilot. Many of us have been taught that management and leadership means being ahead of the team, map and compass in-hand, relaying orders to those following us. Tour guides share their wisdom and warnings while the team silently takes note. Every once in a while, someone from the team asks a question for which the tour guide has the right answer, and everyone safely follows behind on the guide’s well-blazed trail. In this scenario, the team stays together and makes it safely to their destination each time, but at what cost? 

What other pathways might exist? 

What skills might folks on the team have to bring to blazing the path more efficiently or enhancing the journey itself?

A great millennial leader is one who immerses themself in the team. They hang onto the compass but share the map; listening as different members of the group advise on alternate routes, team morale, and potential risks and rewards. They ask for input and insight regularly and adapt their approach to each team member based on their individual needs. When someone in the group asks to take a risk, everyone weighs in on the pros and cons. The leader still has the ability to make decisions– after all, they still hold the compass and are responsible for the outcomes. But how to navigate the path is based on collaboration, mutual investment, and active inquiry.

One of my clients (let’s call her Bethany) came to me early on while she was just starting to build her team. She had hired an accomplished individual contributor (let’s call him Jerome) who had impressed everyone with his vision and strategic approach during the interview process. However, once Jerome started in the new role, his strategic acumen seemed to melt away and was replaced by intense immersion in minutiae. 

Bethany couldn’t understand what had happened. She’d been clear about her expectations and given the direction necessary for Jerome to be successful. He’d demonstrated his ability to do this work in the interview and it was reasonable to expect it from him in the role. She’d made herself available for questions and guidance. She’d redirected him, when needed, to bring him back from tangents. She’d done everything she could think of. Why wasn’t he producing the work she expected?

And then the cyclone of self-doubt began. Had she not given clear direction? Had her expectations been too high? Was she threatened by this new team member and somehow sabotaging his growth? Was she the problem? Was she not cut out to be a manager? Had she hired the wrong person?

You can see the spiral Bethany was experiencing, and if you’re like me, you’ve probably wondered similar things from time to time as a leader. During one of our sessions, I asked Bethany to step back and consider what a new approach to coaching Jerome might look like. At first, she said she didn’t know. She felt like she had tried everything she could think of. So, I repositioned the question. Instead, I asked Bethany to put herself in Jerome’s shoes and consider why he might not be producing the work she expected. After several minutes of exploring Jerome’s point of view, Bethany had come up with several new approaches to coaching Jerome to meet her expectations. By taking the time to understand his point of view, she was able to see what had previously been blind spots in her approach. 

During their next meeting, Bethany addressed Jerome’s change in his approach to their work directly. She told him how impressed she’d been with his strategic approach to his interview assignment but that she hadn’t seen the same approach to his work since he’d gotten the job. As you might expect, Jerome was relieved that Bethany had brought this up. He explained that since he’d started, he’d been so afraid to do the wrong thing that he was focusing on the things he could control–the details–instead of taking on the riskier big picture. Their conversation resulted in Bethany clarifying her expectations and encouraging Jerome to take some risk, Jerome asking for additional coaching, and both agreeing on the ideal way for them to communicate their successes and setbacks.

As it turned out, Bethany wasn’t a bad manager and Jerome wasn’t a bad hire. Rather than descending into a thought spiral, Bethany needed to lean into her strong coaching skills. Once she did, she was able to disrupt Jerome’s own spiral and set them both up for a more productive, strategic working relationship deepened by the psychological safety developed during their honest conversation.

Podcast Recommendation: Dare to Lead Podcast: Immunity to Change with Lisa Lahey

Article Recommendation: The Leader as Coach by Herminia Ibarra and Anne Scoular from Harvard Business Review Nov-Dec 2019